i'm biologically optimized to be an alcoholic
but alcohol just isn't my type of drug
ever since I've been little i was fascinated by the archetype of a self loathing alcoholic
he drinks, has enough self awareness to see that he is a piece of shit - but still he just continues to drink
and currently i think that is because i have some undeniable potential to be one
as i drink for the anxiety to magically disappear, and it really does so..
until it doesn't anymore - but rather brings it back double in strength and my best bet is to double the cure
and so on and on
but fortunately i decided pretty early down that spiral that i just don't enjoy the ride that much
so i just smoke some micro amounts of weed now and again, maybe have a beer or two on occasions (even tho i don't know if i'll even keep that) and i'm good
just wish others were so lucky
still again, maybe they had to suffer so we can see